Rajasthan, then Mumbai. Stayed in the desert for three days, then on to the oceanfront. Met up with the rest of the Indicorps team, and it was absolutely *amazing* to see how much we've all grown. I'm finally in a space where I feel like I can navigate India while being culturally appropriate and while (and this is the key) still being myself.
I saw my first crab on the oceanfront. Also met Rajni Bakshi, author of Bapu Kiti. I have yet to read the book, but we had a discussion of the similarities btw the civil rts mvement in the states and the Dalit movement in India. Interesting. She seemed well informed... but, like I said, haven't read her book yet.
Since I don't have a TV or radio out here, I have been writing a lot. Not reading as much as I would like to.... but some books I read recently and enjoyed:
the God of Small things (Arundati Roy)
The bookseller of Kabul (Asne Seierstad)
What Should I do w/ my life? (Po Bronson)
Interpreter of Maladies (Jhumpa Lahiri)
Seven habits of effective ppl (steven covey) (obvious suggestions, but well organized)
and, as always,
The giving tree (shel silverstein) and Oh the places you'll go (by the Dr. himself)
(b/c some books are just timeless)
I have this huge pile of books I've bought (books are super cheap in India) (getting to a point where my mountains of books are almost as high as Robyn's) ... that I am still chiseling my way through ... stuff I've been meaning to read or read about forever... but there is so much to know. Like Freud and Fountainhead and Tagore and Gibran and Isreal and the Phillipines and Egypt and Saul Williams and Ruth Foreman and the Black Panthers and the Tipping Point and Haruki Murakami and Gandhi.
Whatcha got? Send over any titles you'd recommend my way. :) I'll start doing the same.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Things begin to click
Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't really fit any mold. I'm ok w/ this. I've come to appreciate always being a little different, always looking in from the outside. It gives me an edge - the ability to see things in a different perspective. I've come to terms with the occasional necessity to swim upstream and against the current. It's the way I was raised. It's because I know my path is unpaved.
But it is nice when the people I love support my decisions. It's an inner peace that can't be found in any other way. Soooo.... getting to the point....
I have a few opportunities open to me after this August. So I am thinking about staying back for a bit after my fellowship (After, of course, my family visits.... 3 weeks!!!! Yay!) If nothing else, the time will help me transition back into the life I led before I got here. (I can only imagine how traumatic it would be to go straight from a remote village in India back to life outside of Chicago without any time to adjust!)
The point of this entry is that (although my decision is still not 100%), I might stay for a while. And my family, who I thought would be competely against this, are actually super supportive of the idea. That simple statement eradicates so much anxiety. Having my family behind me makes me happier than I would ever let on.
I send a transAtlantic, intercontinental, oversea tackle hug to everyone I love. You know who you are.
:) (in the words of Vimal McBrother, "Wink!")
But it is nice when the people I love support my decisions. It's an inner peace that can't be found in any other way. Soooo.... getting to the point....
I have a few opportunities open to me after this August. So I am thinking about staying back for a bit after my fellowship (After, of course, my family visits.... 3 weeks!!!! Yay!) If nothing else, the time will help me transition back into the life I led before I got here. (I can only imagine how traumatic it would be to go straight from a remote village in India back to life outside of Chicago without any time to adjust!)
The point of this entry is that (although my decision is still not 100%), I might stay for a while. And my family, who I thought would be competely against this, are actually super supportive of the idea. That simple statement eradicates so much anxiety. Having my family behind me makes me happier than I would ever let on.
I send a transAtlantic, intercontinental, oversea tackle hug to everyone I love. You know who you are.
:) (in the words of Vimal McBrother, "Wink!")
Monday, March 28, 2005
Say it with me.... "Ooo-nah-doe"
Yep. "The summer season. It's here.... and ees-a hot out here.
There were a few things I was supremely fearful of before coming out here including:
1. Summer in the desert and
2. Scorpion season
Apparently, they are one and the same; the summer heat drives the mofos out of the ground... Like a video game, the goal is to pass the level w/o getting stung by a scorpion. I need to make me a scorpion-proof suit. hmmmmm.... cellophane? aluminum foil? tweed perhaps? Nothing gets through tweed right? Shoot over any bright ideas.
So, a man in my village (Desar) had been living in another village for a month or 2. He was doing labor work abt 1/2 an hr away. Desar had just bought a new motorcycle and had about 9000 rupees left to go. We had gone to the village he was in about a week ago to organize a music performance for the projectAhimsa (www.projectahimsa.org/) fellow to get some music clips for a CD. We spent the night w/ Desar. Had a great time. He hadn't been home or seen his family in weeks; he told us to tell his family he missed them and he'd be home in a couple of days.
2 days later- he's on the way home. Gets into a horrible car accident w/ a tractor w/ only one headlight working. A hit and run. Desar dies instantly. His oldest son's wedding was planned for next month. The bike he'd almost paid off--> gone. The craziest part is that I saw him more recently then his 4 kids and his wife because of that music performance 2 days prior. He was really good guy, always joking around. Quite upsetting. It's frightening how emotionally attached I am getting to this place.
....
It makes me question how far immersion into a community should go... a certain distance needs to be kept to remain effective and not get pulled into politics... but it is a crazy fine line to walk. I still can't believe it happened so suddenly.
Within a week of this accident, one of the women in the village *finally* had her baby. The circle of life continues. She went to the hospital, had the baby, and was back home in 2 hours. Do these women really need me to empower them? They're tough as nails I tell ya. The baby girl is soooo precious. I'm trying to get the mom to name her Rups. So far, the argument has been met w/ deaf ears. Persistance is key. I'll keep y'all posted.
Celebrated my first Holi (the festival of colors) in India. It was the most fun I've had in FOREVER! Amazing. Starts out playing in a field, throwing the colored powder on people, forever dying clothes reds, yellows, blues and greens... escalates into a waterfight once someone finds a hose. Then people start throwing mud and it is ALL OVER! It can prob be best described as a massive mudfight. Spectacular. My stomach hurt from laughing.
I've come to realize that those are some of the best moments to live for. Laughing until your stomach hurts, laughing til you cry.** Extremely vital and necessary. :)
I think I get too easily sidetracked by the little stresses of life (i.e. long lines, mosquitoes, money, being late, career frustrations, consequences that I do not control, not meeting others' expectations... so many things.) I forget that life is supposed to be happy. I forget that choosing to be happy and to enjoy the moments that matter are active choices.
I forget that they are my choices to make.
There were a few things I was supremely fearful of before coming out here including:
1. Summer in the desert and
2. Scorpion season
Apparently, they are one and the same; the summer heat drives the mofos out of the ground... Like a video game, the goal is to pass the level w/o getting stung by a scorpion. I need to make me a scorpion-proof suit. hmmmmm.... cellophane? aluminum foil? tweed perhaps? Nothing gets through tweed right? Shoot over any bright ideas.
So, a man in my village (Desar) had been living in another village for a month or 2. He was doing labor work abt 1/2 an hr away. Desar had just bought a new motorcycle and had about 9000 rupees left to go. We had gone to the village he was in about a week ago to organize a music performance for the projectAhimsa (www.projectahimsa.org/) fellow to get some music clips for a CD. We spent the night w/ Desar. Had a great time. He hadn't been home or seen his family in weeks; he told us to tell his family he missed them and he'd be home in a couple of days.
2 days later- he's on the way home. Gets into a horrible car accident w/ a tractor w/ only one headlight working. A hit and run. Desar dies instantly. His oldest son's wedding was planned for next month. The bike he'd almost paid off--> gone. The craziest part is that I saw him more recently then his 4 kids and his wife because of that music performance 2 days prior. He was really good guy, always joking around. Quite upsetting. It's frightening how emotionally attached I am getting to this place.
....
It makes me question how far immersion into a community should go... a certain distance needs to be kept to remain effective and not get pulled into politics... but it is a crazy fine line to walk. I still can't believe it happened so suddenly.
Within a week of this accident, one of the women in the village *finally* had her baby. The circle of life continues. She went to the hospital, had the baby, and was back home in 2 hours. Do these women really need me to empower them? They're tough as nails I tell ya. The baby girl is soooo precious. I'm trying to get the mom to name her Rups. So far, the argument has been met w/ deaf ears. Persistance is key. I'll keep y'all posted.
Celebrated my first Holi (the festival of colors) in India. It was the most fun I've had in FOREVER! Amazing. Starts out playing in a field, throwing the colored powder on people, forever dying clothes reds, yellows, blues and greens... escalates into a waterfight once someone finds a hose. Then people start throwing mud and it is ALL OVER! It can prob be best described as a massive mudfight. Spectacular. My stomach hurt from laughing.
I've come to realize that those are some of the best moments to live for. Laughing until your stomach hurts, laughing til you cry.** Extremely vital and necessary. :)
I think I get too easily sidetracked by the little stresses of life (i.e. long lines, mosquitoes, money, being late, career frustrations, consequences that I do not control, not meeting others' expectations... so many things.) I forget that life is supposed to be happy. I forget that choosing to be happy and to enjoy the moments that matter are active choices.
I forget that they are my choices to make.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Past the halfway point
or, in other words, I am more done than I am not done. The ratio is tipping in the other direction. Eeeeeeep!
It frightens me at how comfortable I am in this space. It's like all the superfluous things to worry about were bared away and suddenly, all that's left are the important things. The little things that matter. I feel centered. Grounded. Focused. I feel the work I do matters. Once you get a taste of doing work that you care about, there's absolutely no going back.
I'm comfortable here, but sometimes I shake my head and laugh about how physically tolerant I have become: I am immune to the 2km walk to get fruits and veggies and the 1/2km for milk- daily. I'm dehydrated for better part of the day. My farmers tan is out of control. ;) My skin is super dark from running around in the sun all day and some how I'm always either recovering from a sickness or cut or bruised.
Case in point: I had my first hot shower in months this morning. Man, talk about appreciating the little things.... I'm on cloud nine.
My project is going well. I post a lot about my adventures here, but don't really talk about the work I do. So, this might get a little long, but here's what I have been up to work-wise:
Out of the 60 women in the Rural Design school, abt 12 to 15 of them are uber talented and rockstars when it comes down to color, design, composition, quality of work etc. The next step is to help them create portfolios for themselves and start an artists' collective. I want them to have a space that inspires innovation within the medium and watches out to make sure they aren't being exploited by outside markets, like a union. I'm also organizing an exhibition planned for them in the big citay of A'bad. "Contemporary Expressions," playing off of their innovations on a traditional craft.
....
So here's the cool thing about this year: I am not 100% decided on which direction to go in after this year (yeah, still), but the longer I am out here, the less I freak out about it. I'm helping the women found a artist collective. Teaching at the grade school (when the teachers don't come.) Running a kindergarten in the neighboring village. Mediating intra-village and inter-village politics. Helping build community within and between economic classes, genders, religions. Painting road signs. Breaking concrete. Building a community space (complete with getting the supplies- cement bags, wooden pillars, cement blocks.) Helping women create portfolios. Empowering them through example, through taking risks with their work, through not settling for anything. Marketing art. Monitoring women's health in the area. Organizing competitions, exhibitions, music performances. Trying to counter the negative long term effects of the relief efforts of four years ago. Doing it all in a language I am still learning.
Some of the projects I'll be working on in the next few months: Painting murals with the women on the sides of the buildings. Writing brochures about the Rural design school portfolios. Editing a collective book. Putting together a coffee table book on the rural design school. Creating my own portfolio. Designing a set of postcards. Creating a promotional video.
Where August will find me is still vague; the grayest of gray areas.... but the experiences I'm putting all up under my belt make me feel like I'll be ready for whatever comes my way.
It's a great feeling.
Summer is rollin in. It is hotter than hot. And this is only the beginning. But summer also marks the beginning of the mango season. This is the legend I have only heard about- a whole season devoted to mangos. Pretty excited.
Man, I hate links.
I hope this one works.
Missing the people at home a lot today. Notes to pass along:
Mom, you owe me a letter and copies of those jewelry designs.
Vim/Vish, come during the third week of July. :)
Ang, happy bday Oldie McPhereson.
A huge tackle hug to everyone else. Huge. And someone do some handstands in my name; I can't do them here. :)
It frightens me at how comfortable I am in this space. It's like all the superfluous things to worry about were bared away and suddenly, all that's left are the important things. The little things that matter. I feel centered. Grounded. Focused. I feel the work I do matters. Once you get a taste of doing work that you care about, there's absolutely no going back.
I'm comfortable here, but sometimes I shake my head and laugh about how physically tolerant I have become: I am immune to the 2km walk to get fruits and veggies and the 1/2km for milk- daily. I'm dehydrated for better part of the day. My farmers tan is out of control. ;) My skin is super dark from running around in the sun all day and some how I'm always either recovering from a sickness or cut or bruised.
Case in point: I had my first hot shower in months this morning. Man, talk about appreciating the little things.... I'm on cloud nine.
My project is going well. I post a lot about my adventures here, but don't really talk about the work I do. So, this might get a little long, but here's what I have been up to work-wise:
Out of the 60 women in the Rural Design school, abt 12 to 15 of them are uber talented and rockstars when it comes down to color, design, composition, quality of work etc. The next step is to help them create portfolios for themselves and start an artists' collective. I want them to have a space that inspires innovation within the medium and watches out to make sure they aren't being exploited by outside markets, like a union. I'm also organizing an exhibition planned for them in the big citay of A'bad. "Contemporary Expressions," playing off of their innovations on a traditional craft.
....
So here's the cool thing about this year: I am not 100% decided on which direction to go in after this year (yeah, still), but the longer I am out here, the less I freak out about it. I'm helping the women found a artist collective. Teaching at the grade school (when the teachers don't come.) Running a kindergarten in the neighboring village. Mediating intra-village and inter-village politics. Helping build community within and between economic classes, genders, religions. Painting road signs. Breaking concrete. Building a community space (complete with getting the supplies- cement bags, wooden pillars, cement blocks.) Helping women create portfolios. Empowering them through example, through taking risks with their work, through not settling for anything. Marketing art. Monitoring women's health in the area. Organizing competitions, exhibitions, music performances. Trying to counter the negative long term effects of the relief efforts of four years ago. Doing it all in a language I am still learning.
Some of the projects I'll be working on in the next few months: Painting murals with the women on the sides of the buildings. Writing brochures about the Rural design school portfolios. Editing a collective book. Putting together a coffee table book on the rural design school. Creating my own portfolio. Designing a set of postcards. Creating a promotional video.
Where August will find me is still vague; the grayest of gray areas.... but the experiences I'm putting all up under my belt make me feel like I'll be ready for whatever comes my way.
It's a great feeling.
Summer is rollin in. It is hotter than hot. And this is only the beginning. But summer also marks the beginning of the mango season. This is the legend I have only heard about- a whole season devoted to mangos. Pretty excited.
Man, I hate links.
I hope this one works.
Missing the people at home a lot today. Notes to pass along:
Mom, you owe me a letter and copies of those jewelry designs.
Vim/Vish, come during the third week of July. :)
Ang, happy bday Oldie McPhereson.
A huge tackle hug to everyone else. Huge. And someone do some handstands in my name; I can't do them here. :)
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Incognito
I think it's a good thing that I can't post pics up here. No one from home would recognize me anymore. My hair--> super long. Like longer than I've worn it in years. I am also crazy tan and losing weight from all this trekking around. However, the six-pack, as is perpetually my style, is still a work in progress, ever hindered by my love of peanut M&M's and ice cream. Some things never change. :)
I have also stopped apologizing for who I am. Hopefully, this is something that will stick.
I have also stopped apologizing for who I am. Hopefully, this is something that will stick.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Past the halfway point
I've been here six months. SIX. MONTHS! I.e. one half of one year.
Crazy, yet true. And, I'm out of my funk. Yay, me!
last week: I was about to miss a bus on the other side of town so I flag down the first guy I see to hitchhike a ride (completely safe, I had a friend with me), and it ends up being a guy on a motorbike with one of those sidecarts on the side. (Yes, apparently they still make them!) All I needed was a long scarf and some pilot goggles. :) The same week I caught a ride on a tractor, in a luggage carrier, and holding onto the back of a jeep. The hands down best way to travel is to travel broke. I'm going to try to make it from one coast to another w/o monies someday. Who's with me?
I apologize to everyone I haven't been emailing back. My email has been acting up the past two weeks.
A couple from Italy pulled through a couple of days ago. At one point I was translating between five languages. Wha?! Granted, I don't really have a command on any, including English, anymore. Anyhow, the guy was this bartender for a place he owns on the beaches of Genova; the woman is an accountant. An interesting combination of people for sure, but their dynamic was really unbelievable. It's beautiful to see people that bounce off each other that well. It made me happy.
Ok. I'm out. Big hug to everyone at home.
Crazy, yet true. And, I'm out of my funk. Yay, me!
last week: I was about to miss a bus on the other side of town so I flag down the first guy I see to hitchhike a ride (completely safe, I had a friend with me), and it ends up being a guy on a motorbike with one of those sidecarts on the side. (Yes, apparently they still make them!) All I needed was a long scarf and some pilot goggles. :) The same week I caught a ride on a tractor, in a luggage carrier, and holding onto the back of a jeep. The hands down best way to travel is to travel broke. I'm going to try to make it from one coast to another w/o monies someday. Who's with me?
I apologize to everyone I haven't been emailing back. My email has been acting up the past two weeks.
A couple from Italy pulled through a couple of days ago. At one point I was translating between five languages. Wha?! Granted, I don't really have a command on any, including English, anymore. Anyhow, the guy was this bartender for a place he owns on the beaches of Genova; the woman is an accountant. An interesting combination of people for sure, but their dynamic was really unbelievable. It's beautiful to see people that bounce off each other that well. It made me happy.
Ok. I'm out. Big hug to everyone at home.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Pitiful
So extremely and utterly depressed. I don't really know what i am trying to accomplish out here but yesterday was a trying day and I had a breakdown. This work is futile. I want to run into the desert until I become a part of the horizon or am eaten by vultures. I desparately need a big hug and some chocolate milk; neither of which are apart of the culture, neither of which will happen anytime soon.
Sad, sad times.
_____________________________
On a more constructive note, what can be done to revive the arts in our communities? The initial trails have to be blazed to show it (professions in or involving the arts) can be done successfully. There are so many really talented people that end up in 9-5 daytime jobs out of a lack of opportunities. Hm....
Start a school? An international mentor/ exchange program? Get some grants? Fundraisers? A consulting company? A publishing house/art gallery/music studio/performance space? How can this be done?
Sad, sad times.
_____________________________
On a more constructive note, what can be done to revive the arts in our communities? The initial trails have to be blazed to show it (professions in or involving the arts) can be done successfully. There are so many really talented people that end up in 9-5 daytime jobs out of a lack of opportunities. Hm....
Start a school? An international mentor/ exchange program? Get some grants? Fundraisers? A consulting company? A publishing house/art gallery/music studio/performance space? How can this be done?
Monday, February 14, 2005
As Vim would say,
Wha?!? Happy V day foolios. I had a flashback today to when V day's were the most fun (beyond the stereotypical relationship stuff):
*In grade school (with secret admirers and performated cardboard valentines in decorated brown paper bags.... y'all know what I am talking about.)
*College--> Case in point: Jen, Tea, E, Rito and well, most of the ppl on the 3rd and 4th floor would buy each other Weston-delivered flowers and candy (secretly) but everyone had the same idea. Skip to the end of the day: lots of laughing at unoriginality and enough chocolate to last for days.
_____
In other news, my tummy hurts. (I'm putting it mildly.) India has seriously tested me this past six months, both physically and mentally. Mentally, by making me question everything I am and everything I believe in... Physically, by handing me a different sickness every few weeks to make fully sure that I appreciate the moments that my body is happy with me. I don't usually give details b/c one, I don't want to worry anyone, and two, I reserve most complaints of health to the older crowds when pain-is-actually-pain and it's not just rups-bein-whiny. Ah well. I fo sho miss being taken care of when I fall ill. I question if that is apart of growing up: being able to take care of yourself even when you can't. I'll tell you though, there's very little else that can make a person feel more alone in the world than being sick without anyone to bring you a blanket or some juice.
I know, I know, 'rups, it's not like you are dead. quit your complaining.' I'm done. :)
____
One of the coolest things about this year is the people I've been meeting. The world is so much bigger than we give it credit for. Some of the characters: a Brazillian filmmaker, an Isreali historian, an Austrailian designer, American filmmakers, a deep sea archeologist from Turkey, fashion designers from London, an English artist (who is about to open some international galleries and wants me to build up my work to display in them... WHA?!?!?) international journalists, artists and entreprenuers. I find it funny that I came to India to have the time to focus in on what I want to "do with the rest of my life" and India decides to accost me with the infinite number of possibilities of anything and everything that can be done in the world. The coolest thing about it? *It's no longer a decision that frustrates me.* I'm getting there and enjoying the road to figuring it out. We shall see if this is a feeling that fights or flights.
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." -- Albert Schweitzer
______
Can someone answer a question for me? I was once told that the beauty of a culture is historically measured by its arts, music and literature. Why are these the areas that are (seemingly) appreciated the least as far as professions?
*In grade school (with secret admirers and performated cardboard valentines in decorated brown paper bags.... y'all know what I am talking about.)
*College--> Case in point: Jen, Tea, E, Rito and well, most of the ppl on the 3rd and 4th floor would buy each other Weston-delivered flowers and candy (secretly) but everyone had the same idea. Skip to the end of the day: lots of laughing at unoriginality and enough chocolate to last for days.
_____
In other news, my tummy hurts. (I'm putting it mildly.) India has seriously tested me this past six months, both physically and mentally. Mentally, by making me question everything I am and everything I believe in... Physically, by handing me a different sickness every few weeks to make fully sure that I appreciate the moments that my body is happy with me. I don't usually give details b/c one, I don't want to worry anyone, and two, I reserve most complaints of health to the older crowds when pain-is-actually-pain and it's not just rups-bein-whiny. Ah well. I fo sho miss being taken care of when I fall ill. I question if that is apart of growing up: being able to take care of yourself even when you can't. I'll tell you though, there's very little else that can make a person feel more alone in the world than being sick without anyone to bring you a blanket or some juice.
I know, I know, 'rups, it's not like you are dead. quit your complaining.' I'm done. :)
____
One of the coolest things about this year is the people I've been meeting. The world is so much bigger than we give it credit for. Some of the characters: a Brazillian filmmaker, an Isreali historian, an Austrailian designer, American filmmakers, a deep sea archeologist from Turkey, fashion designers from London, an English artist (who is about to open some international galleries and wants me to build up my work to display in them... WHA?!?!?) international journalists, artists and entreprenuers. I find it funny that I came to India to have the time to focus in on what I want to "do with the rest of my life" and India decides to accost me with the infinite number of possibilities of anything and everything that can be done in the world. The coolest thing about it? *It's no longer a decision that frustrates me.* I'm getting there and enjoying the road to figuring it out. We shall see if this is a feeling that fights or flights.
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." -- Albert Schweitzer
______
Can someone answer a question for me? I was once told that the beauty of a culture is historically measured by its arts, music and literature. Why are these the areas that are (seemingly) appreciated the least as far as professions?
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
the invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Grr.
*this post is in response to an email forward I saw on the SAPAC_chicago listserv written by YSS and OY, 2 American organizations that organize South Asian youth. Do not read on if politics and/or activism is not your cup of tea.
_______________
Ok, so I just got an email forward that is flying around saying that Indicorps has taken funds and worked with organizations that are involved with the RSS, a group known to promote an extremist religious and political agenda in India. The email questions Indicorps, saying that by working with organizations and taking funds from people associated with the RSS, Indicorps is supporting the RSS political agenda. Umm... completely unfounded, thanks. I'm still debating whether I want to get involved into an email fight about it ... but I wanted to post up here just in case any of y'all had heard anything.
My main problem is YSS and OY send this email asking Indicorps to explain themselves. The email was sent to a whole lot of people but not Indicorps itself. Ummm.. if you want Indicorps to explain themselves, why aren't you asking Indicorps? If you weren't going to ask directly, why wouldn't you at least include Indicorps on the list? ... unless your intent was not to get answers but to start rumors.
Now as we all know, I usually, if not always, ignore email forwards. The only reason I am replying to this one is because it undermines the work that I am doing this year. I won't allow it.
IDRF (India Development and Relief Fund) has been one of the past funders (one of many funders mind you) for Indicorps. This group also apparently funds some RSS organizations. The email says that, with Indicorps accepting funds from them, they are supporting the RSS agenda. Someone should tell the email's authors that they should've done their homework.
1. Indicorps is secular and non partisan. As an organization, Indicorps makes it very clear to funders that the funds are accepted with no strings attached. It's not about name recognition, it's about youth taking ownership and initiative to be agents of social change. It's so silly to have YSS and OY picking a fight like this when we're all trying to get to the same place. A unified front. Inclusive empowerment. Solidarity. I mean, come on.
2. Hindu extremist philosophies are (usually) anti-Muslim, anti-Dalit (used to be referred to as untouchables). The IDRF is the funder that actually funded the project I am working on.
I invite anyone who questions Indicorps motives to come visit my project.
I live in a community that is fully comprised of Dalits and Muslims (as I've mentioned before). Now, anyone that knows me knows full well that I am here to serve these communities. To empower the women. To give them a stable income. To give them ownership over their artistic abilities and have that ownership and confidence ripple into other facets of their lives.
No one, and I mean no one, uses me as a vehicle to push an agenda here. No one tells me how to do my work out here. Whoever wrote that email needs to email ME directly before telling me that the work I am doing is Hindutva. I am one of the direct benefactors of these funds. They are paying for me at a ground level. Why don't you ASK me what work I'm doing before telling me who I am tied to? Fools. How can you question the organization without first doing some RESEARCH? Did you? Did you find out that the first two girls on the project were Muslim and Sikh? That the following year was a Hindu and Muslim w/ Pakistani roots working together?
And lastly #3.
Had you done your RESEARCH, you would've found out that the people that spent time training us (this year's fellows) at orientation were people such as Sushma Iyengar, Anna Hazare, and Harsh Mander. Why don't you look up who these people are before you try to say you know an organization's motives?
Grr.
_______________
Ok, so I just got an email forward that is flying around saying that Indicorps has taken funds and worked with organizations that are involved with the RSS, a group known to promote an extremist religious and political agenda in India. The email questions Indicorps, saying that by working with organizations and taking funds from people associated with the RSS, Indicorps is supporting the RSS political agenda. Umm... completely unfounded, thanks. I'm still debating whether I want to get involved into an email fight about it ... but I wanted to post up here just in case any of y'all had heard anything.
My main problem is YSS and OY send this email asking Indicorps to explain themselves. The email was sent to a whole lot of people but not Indicorps itself. Ummm.. if you want Indicorps to explain themselves, why aren't you asking Indicorps? If you weren't going to ask directly, why wouldn't you at least include Indicorps on the list? ... unless your intent was not to get answers but to start rumors.
Now as we all know, I usually, if not always, ignore email forwards. The only reason I am replying to this one is because it undermines the work that I am doing this year. I won't allow it.
IDRF (India Development and Relief Fund) has been one of the past funders (one of many funders mind you) for Indicorps. This group also apparently funds some RSS organizations. The email says that, with Indicorps accepting funds from them, they are supporting the RSS agenda. Someone should tell the email's authors that they should've done their homework.
1. Indicorps is secular and non partisan. As an organization, Indicorps makes it very clear to funders that the funds are accepted with no strings attached. It's not about name recognition, it's about youth taking ownership and initiative to be agents of social change. It's so silly to have YSS and OY picking a fight like this when we're all trying to get to the same place. A unified front. Inclusive empowerment. Solidarity. I mean, come on.
2. Hindu extremist philosophies are (usually) anti-Muslim, anti-Dalit (used to be referred to as untouchables). The IDRF is the funder that actually funded the project I am working on.
I invite anyone who questions Indicorps motives to come visit my project.
I live in a community that is fully comprised of Dalits and Muslims (as I've mentioned before). Now, anyone that knows me knows full well that I am here to serve these communities. To empower the women. To give them a stable income. To give them ownership over their artistic abilities and have that ownership and confidence ripple into other facets of their lives.
No one, and I mean no one, uses me as a vehicle to push an agenda here. No one tells me how to do my work out here. Whoever wrote that email needs to email ME directly before telling me that the work I am doing is Hindutva. I am one of the direct benefactors of these funds. They are paying for me at a ground level. Why don't you ASK me what work I'm doing before telling me who I am tied to? Fools. How can you question the organization without first doing some RESEARCH? Did you? Did you find out that the first two girls on the project were Muslim and Sikh? That the following year was a Hindu and Muslim w/ Pakistani roots working together?
And lastly #3.
Had you done your RESEARCH, you would've found out that the people that spent time training us (this year's fellows) at orientation were people such as Sushma Iyengar, Anna Hazare, and Harsh Mander. Why don't you look up who these people are before you try to say you know an organization's motives?
Grr.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
hey friends
I'm back in Gujarat. Safe. My head is swimming. Completely overwhelmed by the tsunami and everything involved. Sleep deprived. 34 hour train ride. Quality time with a lot of intensely altruistic people that are super focused and not even slightly hippy. Just got back from a break of dawn ultimate frisbee game along the Sabermati riverbed to destress. Desparately need some sleep and some fruit.
Huge hug to my corners. I love you fools so much and can't wait to see you.
And, last but not least, time to dispell some rumors:
#1. No, I am not coming home early, nor am I already home.
#2. No, I am not here to get married; this idea needs to be unthunk immediately. (Vim, you are in charge of keeping this rumor in check back home.)
Ok. Gotta go.
Huge hug to my corners. I love you fools so much and can't wait to see you.
And, last but not least, time to dispell some rumors:
#1. No, I am not coming home early, nor am I already home.
#2. No, I am not here to get married; this idea needs to be unthunk immediately. (Vim, you are in charge of keeping this rumor in check back home.)
Ok. Gotta go.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Approaching midnight
and I suddenly find myself alone in an office with the day's work done and decent internet access. Happiness is all about the simple things.
***I'm feeling much much better.*** The fevers are laying low. Yay, hemoglobins! And white blood cells. And other such medical stuff that I pretend to know. :)
So, I left my the Rural design school to help with the Tsunami work. For the next two weeks I am in the villages of Tamil Nadu (south Indian coast) coordinating the efforts between the govt, NGOs, international organizations, funders etc. It's an effort to ensure that all of these organizations are communicating on a common platform to avoid duplication, fill voids and maximize resources.
Went through trauma counseling training in Ahmedabad and spent a few days in Auroville to organize the network. Auroville is a pretty quirky/strange/uber-interesting place. The highlight, however, was that (b/c everything else was booked) 14 of us stayed in this architectually stunning 3 floor art gallery. Amazing sculptures, pottery, textiles, ... I'd walk past the charcoals (in my socks & pj's) before going to bed, have meetings in the sculpture room, and sleep in the room with paintings as tall as I am.... it was almost too extremely perfect. Almost like a prep to make me super happy before going into the emotionally draining work that I was getting myself into.
It's been a month since the tsunamis hit; the relief efforts are wrapping up and the long term rehabilitation phase is now being kick started. The devastation to the area is truly upsetting. Every time I stand next to the ocean I get the chills... which is really odd; being comfortable in/with water has always been my element. Most of the debri has been cleared away but the damage is still everywhere. I've heard a lot of survivor stories and during every one I have to remind myself that it actually happened. An earthquake under the ocean. A wall of water. Houses/boats/people getting washed away. What?!?
Indonesia actually had another earthquake hit (a 6.2) which apparently didn't get much news coverage (here anyway). Who sets the priorities with the news coverage??? They should be run out of town.
_________________________________________________
A PUBLIC NOTICE:
To anyone and everyone that helped make that Xmas DVD for me--> you guys ROCK. It was the most amazing Christmas present EVAH and made me so very extremely happy. I was up til 2am laughing and feeling really loved. THANK YOU!!!
_________________________________________________
And last but certainly not least, my granddad came to India last week. He had some work to do and I convinced him to come visit my project site. He agreed. He came. He's 80! But he trekked out (An overnight bus, transfer to a two hour bus, transfer to a local taxi/pickup truck to the desert). He stayed for three days and had a blast. (Man, if *only* I could post up those pictures!) Also, the man is an amazing role model.
He in the month he was in India he:
1. visited my village
2. collected 100,000 books to start a children's library for orphans
3. restarted the Red Cross radiology department (named after my grandmother)
4. donated the money to build a room at a college hostel/medical clinic in Ahmedabad
AND
5. he still had time to remodel his bathroom.
In a month! The man is 80. He is exactly the 80 yr old man I strive to be one day. (???) You know what I mean. :)
***I'm feeling much much better.*** The fevers are laying low. Yay, hemoglobins! And white blood cells. And other such medical stuff that I pretend to know. :)
So, I left my the Rural design school to help with the Tsunami work. For the next two weeks I am in the villages of Tamil Nadu (south Indian coast) coordinating the efforts between the govt, NGOs, international organizations, funders etc. It's an effort to ensure that all of these organizations are communicating on a common platform to avoid duplication, fill voids and maximize resources.
Went through trauma counseling training in Ahmedabad and spent a few days in Auroville to organize the network. Auroville is a pretty quirky/strange/uber-interesting place. The highlight, however, was that (b/c everything else was booked) 14 of us stayed in this architectually stunning 3 floor art gallery. Amazing sculptures, pottery, textiles, ... I'd walk past the charcoals (in my socks & pj's) before going to bed, have meetings in the sculpture room, and sleep in the room with paintings as tall as I am.... it was almost too extremely perfect. Almost like a prep to make me super happy before going into the emotionally draining work that I was getting myself into.
It's been a month since the tsunamis hit; the relief efforts are wrapping up and the long term rehabilitation phase is now being kick started. The devastation to the area is truly upsetting. Every time I stand next to the ocean I get the chills... which is really odd; being comfortable in/with water has always been my element. Most of the debri has been cleared away but the damage is still everywhere. I've heard a lot of survivor stories and during every one I have to remind myself that it actually happened. An earthquake under the ocean. A wall of water. Houses/boats/people getting washed away. What?!?
Indonesia actually had another earthquake hit (a 6.2) which apparently didn't get much news coverage (here anyway). Who sets the priorities with the news coverage??? They should be run out of town.
_________________________________________________
A PUBLIC NOTICE:
To anyone and everyone that helped make that Xmas DVD for me--> you guys ROCK. It was the most amazing Christmas present EVAH and made me so very extremely happy. I was up til 2am laughing and feeling really loved. THANK YOU!!!
_________________________________________________
And last but certainly not least, my granddad came to India last week. He had some work to do and I convinced him to come visit my project site. He agreed. He came. He's 80! But he trekked out (An overnight bus, transfer to a two hour bus, transfer to a local taxi/pickup truck to the desert). He stayed for three days and had a blast. (Man, if *only* I could post up those pictures!) Also, the man is an amazing role model.
He in the month he was in India he:
1. visited my village
2. collected 100,000 books to start a children's library for orphans
3. restarted the Red Cross radiology department (named after my grandmother)
4. donated the money to build a room at a college hostel/medical clinic in Ahmedabad
AND
5. he still had time to remodel his bathroom.
In a month! The man is 80. He is exactly the 80 yr old man I strive to be one day. (???) You know what I mean. :)