Night before Holi, 7 of us were across town at a café. Anup and I had ridden our bicycles and the ride home was about 45 min. I had my laptop/backpack with me. 11pm we leave. The girls were taking a rickshaw home and offered to take my bag so I wouldn’t have to bike it home. I give it to them.
I got home 20 minutes later. I asked for my bag so I could get some work done before I went to sleep (I have less than two weeks left in India at this point). They realize they forgot it in the rickshaw and run out to see if he’s still there: no such luck. Over 10 Indicorps and Manav Sadhna people worked until 3am making signs, putting them up in gas stations, taking me to the police stations, waiting at where the rickshaw dropped them off in case he returned… nothing.
I tried to be positive.
Next day was Holi. [I was sad and wanted to stay in bed, but the boys came downstairs and ambushed us with buckets of water and colored Holi powder. (There are still green and blue handprints on our walls from the struggle). I was even attacked while I was sleeping and woke up with blue dye on my back and my pillowcase. I went to celebrate at MS (I didn’t want to bring down everyone else’s day) and played with the colors, then water, then mud just like last year. At one point, we had all pinned Anup down in the mud and he got a hold of me and body slammed me into the mud (I’m screaming “inappropriate!” b/c it’s not culturally sensitive… he later claimed that his eyes were covered in mud and he didn’t know it was me) (liar). ]
In any case, later that day I discovered I had not only lost my laptop, but also the back up CD’s (b/c I had just burned them; they were still in the bag) and my planner, my notebook, everything. I still tried to stay positive and productive but when I realized that I no longer even had a PEN - I broke. I cried for a really, really long while.
With my lack of time left, I forced myself to not dwell on it or be sad- I simply don't have the time. However, later, when I realized that I was meeting the designer for the annual report and all the pictures were gone, I decided not to let my work go so easily. I made small flyers w/ Raju (who took a few hours out to write them up in Gujarati b/c he’s the best person ever!), xeroxed 600 copies, and passed them out to every rickshawwalla I saw. Must’ve talked to over 75 and I was losing my voice from repeating the story so many times.
Then I met up with Pankaj who said I had to take the rest of the night off or I would drive myself crazy. 10 minutes later, Virenbhai (of Manav Sadhna) calls. Says he just got a weird call from someone who may have my laptop. Asks if I’m willing to pay a reward. Yes, I tell him, whatever the guy wants. He says, hopefully, if the guy calls back, he’ll offer a reward and also explain that I am here doing good things and servicework.
He calls me back. Says he’s convinced the guy to come over to his house by assuring that the police won’t be involved. Tells me to get there as quickly as possible. On my bicycle it would’ve taken me an hour. Pankaj generously lends me his scooter, knowing full well I’ve never driven in India at night. (I don’t even know how to kickstart them properly!) I chug along the road and get there- this guy, Viren Mehta, asks me a million questions about what I had in the bag. When he is satisfied that the bag is mine, he goes home to bring it to me. (Turns out the rickshawwalla tried to sell it to him thinking it was a small TV. This guy, Virenbhai Mehta, says he needs to see it first to assess the price. Looks through the bag, realizes what happened, and calls a few of the first numbers in my notebook.) He wouldn’t even take a reward. Says God gives him everything he needs. Says he wouldn’t even take 5 rupees that don’t belong to him b/c somewhere down the road he’d pay for it a hundredfold. I’m still in shock. This guy singlehandedly renewed my faith in the world.
The whole night was so surreal: He, Viren Mehta, and his friend, Vinod, had apparently gone through my planner, asked if I made my dentist appointment on Friday (!!!). Then, Jayeshbhai calls to tell me that I can never sell this computer now b/c it’s a reminder of the good in the world. (Also proceeds to tell me to have sweet dreams tonight b/c I’ve made him so happy… but I should dream in black and white (???)) Then, on the bike ride home at midnight, while I’m still in shock and the streets are surreally empty, and I think that the world couldn’t possibly surprise me any more, I pass a nice man riding an elephant and talk to him for a bit. (Despite romanticized notions of India, seeing an elephant in big citay A’bad is few and far between; I’ve seen an elephant maybe twice in my year and a half here).
Everything was still in the bag. (I’m typing this on my laptop!!!) I am so lucky and so grateful. I am blessed.
AND I have my pen back.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
new developments and the old days
My laptop is gone. How and what happened doesn't matter, b/c it doesn't change the fact that it's gone.
With 10 days left in India and to finish the things I have left to do (including a trip to my villagers in Kutch, a trip to the animator in mumbai, designing a logo, designing a website, spending time with my dada and finishing his errands, finishing final edits and filming, coordinating the animations, preparing for an interview (the day after my return flight) .... agh, the list goes on.
In any case, I'm ok with it. Losing the independence that my laptop afforded my work habits definitely makes finishing my projects harder, but I'm trying to be positive.
Random story to make the day better: Spent the last two days with my Dada. I love him so much. (He and my grandmother helped raise me and shaped a lot of who I am today.) I was upset about my laptop- and he starts going on about how he'd met my grandmother, and how much he loved her and how lucky he was to have her with him for so long.. and how lucky we all were. (And there I was, sulking about my laptop.) Suddenly I was put into my place with a simple reminder: I am so very lucky. At the end of the day, my laptop is gone and yet I can't complain. I still have so much to be grateful for.
Anyway, went to Mumbai with him for the day. He got a top bunk on the train ride, so I asked the two people on the bottom bunks if they were willing to trade him. They point to their own walking sticks and say that they, too, would have a hard time getting up there. They start talking to my granddad... the man was a diamond merchant from Dubai who retired and moved back to India. He and my Dada talked about their respective pasts, and it turns out that this man and my dada used to work *across the street* from each other in the 50's and 60's in old city Mumbai, Zaveri Bazaar!! They went to the same jaylaybeewalla and knew the same people... then the man starts talking about the watchmaker who used to fix his watches. He worked in a room just big enough for one person ("back before Rolex and Timex's") and would always give his customers the same line about his punctuctuality, 'don't worry; it'll get done'. Turns out the man was talking about MY GRANDDAD and his old watch repair shop!!!! So crazy.
Later, went to visit my dada's 90 yr old friend and his 88 year old wife. The man would tilt his wife's head back and yell in her ear "IT'S POPATLAL!" (my dada) and she would scream "WHAT?" -- this goes back and forth a few times and then she screams, "I'M SORRY! I'M TOO OLD TO REMEMBER THINGS!" Then, he and my dada start talking about how people live in their old age is directly correlated with how well they lived their life... like the people who lived honest, hard-working lives were surrounded by a lot of love in their old age. The people that lied and cheated... it all eventually came back around. At one point the 90 year old pulls me aside and says, "It's all so simple. Just be a good person."
In any case, old people have a lot of stories to tell. I feel like I should make more time to listen and learn. There's a certain peace that comes with understanding their perspective and patience.
With 10 days left in India and to finish the things I have left to do (including a trip to my villagers in Kutch, a trip to the animator in mumbai, designing a logo, designing a website, spending time with my dada and finishing his errands, finishing final edits and filming, coordinating the animations, preparing for an interview (the day after my return flight) .... agh, the list goes on.
In any case, I'm ok with it. Losing the independence that my laptop afforded my work habits definitely makes finishing my projects harder, but I'm trying to be positive.
Random story to make the day better: Spent the last two days with my Dada. I love him so much. (He and my grandmother helped raise me and shaped a lot of who I am today.) I was upset about my laptop- and he starts going on about how he'd met my grandmother, and how much he loved her and how lucky he was to have her with him for so long.. and how lucky we all were. (And there I was, sulking about my laptop.) Suddenly I was put into my place with a simple reminder: I am so very lucky. At the end of the day, my laptop is gone and yet I can't complain. I still have so much to be grateful for.
Anyway, went to Mumbai with him for the day. He got a top bunk on the train ride, so I asked the two people on the bottom bunks if they were willing to trade him. They point to their own walking sticks and say that they, too, would have a hard time getting up there. They start talking to my granddad... the man was a diamond merchant from Dubai who retired and moved back to India. He and my Dada talked about their respective pasts, and it turns out that this man and my dada used to work *across the street* from each other in the 50's and 60's in old city Mumbai, Zaveri Bazaar!! They went to the same jaylaybeewalla and knew the same people... then the man starts talking about the watchmaker who used to fix his watches. He worked in a room just big enough for one person ("back before Rolex and Timex's") and would always give his customers the same line about his punctuctuality, 'don't worry; it'll get done'. Turns out the man was talking about MY GRANDDAD and his old watch repair shop!!!! So crazy.
Later, went to visit my dada's 90 yr old friend and his 88 year old wife. The man would tilt his wife's head back and yell in her ear "IT'S POPATLAL!" (my dada) and she would scream "WHAT?" -- this goes back and forth a few times and then she screams, "I'M SORRY! I'M TOO OLD TO REMEMBER THINGS!" Then, he and my dada start talking about how people live in their old age is directly correlated with how well they lived their life... like the people who lived honest, hard-working lives were surrounded by a lot of love in their old age. The people that lied and cheated... it all eventually came back around. At one point the 90 year old pulls me aside and says, "It's all so simple. Just be a good person."
In any case, old people have a lot of stories to tell. I feel like I should make more time to listen and learn. There's a certain peace that comes with understanding their perspective and patience.
Friday, March 10, 2006
"Do your work without having any expectation"
was a philosophy I grew up hearing. (Work can be interpreted as: fulfilling duty, following through with commitments or pursuing passion.) Anyway, the idea never really made sense to me.
Does it mean you aren't supposed to grow attached? If you're unattached to consequences, can you still envision the end goals you want to achieve? If you are unattached, is it still possible to be passionate?
Is anything worth doing if it doesn't make you passionate?
Then, last week, I had a revelation that makes me think I've been going about it the wrong way:
I've been in India working on these films since Jan. One of my first priorities was the animated piece. (FYI animation, I've discovered, is really hard- 2d animation requires 24 drawings PER SECOND of animated film. Mine is a little over 30 sec--> 30 sec x 24 drawings = a lot to ask someone to do as a volunteer project). Arch posed a challenge for me: don't pay anyone to do it. If you are trying to get PSA films out there to convince others to give back to their communities - you should first be able to convince the people you are working with. besides, the end product will be much more effective (even on a subconscious level) coming from someone who really understands what you are trying to do..)
I looked for an animator EVERYWHERE. Tapped every avenue I could think of. Animation/ design schools? Check. Animation companies? Check. Activist and volunteer platforms? Check. Posters, word of mouth, asking everyone I know? Check. Nothing. For over a month. Met a bunch of amazing people (including a woman that animated Ice Age!); everyone was excited but no one had time or resources to do it voluntarily: 'Inspiring youth is necessary. But not in such a time intensive, labor intensive business.' (The rest of the filming has been a similarly frustrating scenario- many Indian business people, I've discovered, love to say 'yes' even if they have NO INTENTION of following through. )
[I had also grown super attached to the project because it's important to me to see it happen- it's why I came back to India right? I was taking everything personally- project successes would leave me a bit too happy; setbacks would leave me completely devastated. I hit a point last week where I had had enough. I was ready to throw in the towel and come home. Nothing was going my way, despite giving every effort my all.]
Then, Monday, everything tipped. An animator from Mumbai, this bright-eyed guy who animates for Zee Entertainment committed to doing the project without payment!! (keep in mind, this was HUGE. I had met about 30+ animators who loved the idea but wouldn't do it.) The next day, I found out that he not only agreed, but he also convinced his compositor to do it without charge!!! Then other stuff started coming into place.... a place to tape, a 3chip video camera to use (more expensive than the cost of my entire year in India), a cameraman willing to teach me the basics of filming and direction, a video editor, access to editing equipment.... slowly the tide began to turn. Now I am creating new storyboards for other animations for a guy in Abad (who just moved here from Chicago) and another animation team in Hyderabad. :)
I had to lay the foundation but stuff only started to happen when it was ready to happen.
Maybe the idea of detachment doesn't need that I have to forgo my passion. Maybe it just means I have to have more faith that things happen when the time is right. It still requires the same amount of work and persistence and commitment. Maybe just not the anxiety. Maybe detachment just means that I have to keep pushing for the things that make me come alive, trusting that everything will fall into place in its own time.
****
ALSO- thanks for the concern, but the bombings were in Varnasi- not near me. The earthquakes were here... however, we all know how sound a sleeper I am. Didn't even know they happened until the next morning.
Does it mean you aren't supposed to grow attached? If you're unattached to consequences, can you still envision the end goals you want to achieve? If you are unattached, is it still possible to be passionate?
Is anything worth doing if it doesn't make you passionate?
Then, last week, I had a revelation that makes me think I've been going about it the wrong way:
I've been in India working on these films since Jan. One of my first priorities was the animated piece. (FYI animation, I've discovered, is really hard- 2d animation requires 24 drawings PER SECOND of animated film. Mine is a little over 30 sec--> 30 sec x 24 drawings = a lot to ask someone to do as a volunteer project). Arch posed a challenge for me: don't pay anyone to do it. If you are trying to get PSA films out there to convince others to give back to their communities - you should first be able to convince the people you are working with. besides, the end product will be much more effective (even on a subconscious level) coming from someone who really understands what you are trying to do..)
I looked for an animator EVERYWHERE. Tapped every avenue I could think of. Animation/ design schools? Check. Animation companies? Check. Activist and volunteer platforms? Check. Posters, word of mouth, asking everyone I know? Check. Nothing. For over a month. Met a bunch of amazing people (including a woman that animated Ice Age!); everyone was excited but no one had time or resources to do it voluntarily: 'Inspiring youth is necessary. But not in such a time intensive, labor intensive business.' (The rest of the filming has been a similarly frustrating scenario- many Indian business people, I've discovered, love to say 'yes' even if they have NO INTENTION of following through. )
[I had also grown super attached to the project because it's important to me to see it happen- it's why I came back to India right? I was taking everything personally- project successes would leave me a bit too happy; setbacks would leave me completely devastated. I hit a point last week where I had had enough. I was ready to throw in the towel and come home. Nothing was going my way, despite giving every effort my all.]
Then, Monday, everything tipped. An animator from Mumbai, this bright-eyed guy who animates for Zee Entertainment committed to doing the project without payment!! (keep in mind, this was HUGE. I had met about 30+ animators who loved the idea but wouldn't do it.) The next day, I found out that he not only agreed, but he also convinced his compositor to do it without charge!!! Then other stuff started coming into place.... a place to tape, a 3chip video camera to use (more expensive than the cost of my entire year in India), a cameraman willing to teach me the basics of filming and direction, a video editor, access to editing equipment.... slowly the tide began to turn. Now I am creating new storyboards for other animations for a guy in Abad (who just moved here from Chicago) and another animation team in Hyderabad. :)
I had to lay the foundation but stuff only started to happen when it was ready to happen.
Maybe the idea of detachment doesn't need that I have to forgo my passion. Maybe it just means I have to have more faith that things happen when the time is right. It still requires the same amount of work and persistence and commitment. Maybe just not the anxiety. Maybe detachment just means that I have to keep pushing for the things that make me come alive, trusting that everything will fall into place in its own time.
****
ALSO- thanks for the concern, but the bombings were in Varnasi- not near me. The earthquakes were here... however, we all know how sound a sleeper I am. Didn't even know they happened until the next morning.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Roy's article on the Bush visit Check the vaccuum ad mid-article as well. :)
Saving Face (Produced by Will Smith.) Sounds promising.
"Openly lesbian director Alice Wu's first feature film, Saving Face is about the relationship between 28-year-old closeted lesbian surgeon Wilhelmina “Wil” Pang (Michelle Krusiec) and her mother Ma (Joan Chen), a 48-year-old widow who only speaks Mandarin and socializes solely with other members of the Chinese American community in Flushing, New York. The movie explores the relationship between mother and daughter when Ma unexpectedly turns up on Wil’s Manhattan doorstep pregnant, just as Wil is falling in love with a ballerina, Vivian (Lynn Chen). Vivian becomes frustrated with Wil’s unwillingness to be open about their relationship (asking “is this just an illicit affair?”), while Ma pressures Wil to find a boyfriend, even as she copes with her own ostracization from her community. Changing circumstances finally force Ma and Wil to choose between following their hearts and conforming to social pressure, with comic and poignant results."
Saving Face (Produced by Will Smith.) Sounds promising.
"Openly lesbian director Alice Wu's first feature film, Saving Face is about the relationship between 28-year-old closeted lesbian surgeon Wilhelmina “Wil” Pang (Michelle Krusiec) and her mother Ma (Joan Chen), a 48-year-old widow who only speaks Mandarin and socializes solely with other members of the Chinese American community in Flushing, New York. The movie explores the relationship between mother and daughter when Ma unexpectedly turns up on Wil’s Manhattan doorstep pregnant, just as Wil is falling in love with a ballerina, Vivian (Lynn Chen). Vivian becomes frustrated with Wil’s unwillingness to be open about their relationship (asking “is this just an illicit affair?”), while Ma pressures Wil to find a boyfriend, even as she copes with her own ostracization from her community. Changing circumstances finally force Ma and Wil to choose between following their hearts and conforming to social pressure, with comic and poignant results."